This is not okay.

I’m done looking for some kind of fulfillment from one more boy’s lips. 

Please, dear God, let this lunch not be the most awkwardest thing I’ve ever done. 

I hadn’t even noticed that for the past few days I’ve woken up and felt nothing. 

I’m not one to ever be scared to be by herself alone at night.

But tonight, out of all nights, I keep hearing shit in my apartment. And now, there’s like a storm outside because the wind is howling like crazy, and holy fuck I’m not scared to admit I’m kinda scared. 

I blame my mom for sending me that ‘be careful’ text earlier.

AND SHIT I’M NOT EVEN FUCKING KIDDING BUT MY PRINTER JUST TURNED ON AND I WAS NOWHERE EVEN NEAR IT. OMG I SWEAR I’M GOING TO DIE TONIGHT.

I just finished the last episode of the last season of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. Guys… You don’t know how devastated I feel. 

What am I going to do now?

I don’t know what I’m doing. 

Write more, eat less, decorate apartment, work and make money, then shop and spend it all, tone up, finalize me moving into Aspen Heights, yoga, clear my head, and my face, read books, whiten my teeth, get long awaited tattoo, take care of hair and let it grow, get my school life together, go to more concerts, drive around, buy myself flowers, spend less time on the internet, and be okay with being alone.

We are strangers again.

But this time with memories.

I am still waiting for all of this to be just one huge, crazy, big sick joke…

It hurts. Its hurts. It hurts. I miss you. I want you. So bad, but it hurts.

Woah.

I’m falling for him.